The Cambridge definition of jealousy is: ‘a feeling of unhappiness and anger because someone has something or someone that you want’. Jealousy can also be caused by a threat to your affiliation with something you treasure or somebody maintains and keeps something you desire out of reach. Powerful emotions can arise due to jealousy and like rage and hate it’s more than often an emotion best kept largely to ourselves.
William Penn, politician founder of the city of Philadelphia once said some sage words about jealousy:
The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves.
However, when it comes to relationships, sentiments of mild jealousy are the finest form of flattery. After all, for example, if you feel the slight pang rise up your shadow and form in a shudder at the back of your neck when your loved one is dancing with another you are simply telling yourself how much you care about him or her and a raised brow or stern look will do no harm.
Problems arise and sometimes grave crimes are committed when someone loses all control of this complex emotion. Always, try to bite your lip when you feel this emotion getting the better of you as the feeling will pass; remember tomorrow is another day however hard jealousy is clasping you.
Should this emotion be suppressed? Psychology Today disagrees and claims that it is a complex emotion to heed and not to suppress. The reason makes sense: “jealousy is seen as a necessary emotion because it preserves social bonds and motivates people to engage in behaviors that maintain important relationships.”
The interpretation is right and the emotion of the strong feeling of jealousy can be a good lesson. However, when the emotion heats to boiling point and the jealous person loses control the following actions should be suppressed: violence and assault. If the furnace of emotions gets to this point and you feel yourself losing control then YES suppresses that emotion. Bite your tongue, or even better physically take yourself away from the location of the people making you feel that way.
When the dust has settled somewhat a private conversation should be had with your loved one about where the relationship is going and which boundaries are correct and which are not and how to repair the bond. When jealousy is overwhelming, it may also be helpful to talk to a therapist outside the relationship to explore and solve the root causes, such as those with trust or intimacy.
Seemingly neurotic forms of possessive fury can result in a terrible crime of passion. A supposedly normal person, with no history of violence, can become so jealous with a fury that he or she takes the ultimate revenge by killing a partner, children, or even themselves. Accounts of such tragedies are never far away from the front pages of tabloids around the world. In October 2019, the Sun newspaper reported,
A HUSBAND “overcome by jealousy” leaped to his death from a ninth floor balcony with his two small children, killing them both, as his wife filed for divorce.
On April 15 th 2019 ABC13 news reported:
PHOENIX, Arizona — A Phoenix man who thought his wife was having an affair is accused of killing her, two of their young daughters and a man, police said.
Jealousy of a friend can be a powerful, complex emotion. It’s possible some friends make things more difficult by being competitive, boastful or apparently oblivious to our problems and aspirations.
When we feel envious or jealous of a friend, it can be common for other difficult emotions to arise, including anger, sadness, resentment, stress and shame. It’s a normal human trait to compare ourselves with our friends sometimes though dwelling on social comparisons can impinge on our happiness, self-esteem, and overall satisfaction with life. The more preoccupied we become with a friend’s success or good fortune, the more chance very unwanted emotions will start to dominate our thoughts. These lead to hostile relations and a complete breakdown in our friendships.
Psychologists suggest a form of self help is a good idea, where you put yourself in the place of a friend helping another friend with envy issues. Allow yourself to feel the full array of emotions and importantly remember Just because you are sad for yourself does not mean you aren’t able to feel proud and happy for your friend.
You may like this findaspeech short video on ‘Trust’